Six Die in Burnt Offering

The flies invaded this year. I'm not kidding. We live in the suburbs so we don't usually have flies. Not like being on a farm in Arkansas. But this year we've got 'em.

They aren't content to stay outside either. No, they are taking over the house. Every time I start whacking with the flyswatter I think of the story of the Brave Little Taylor who killed five in one swipe! I understand his excitement. Sadly, for every five I swat ten take their place.

I've considered my fly problem. I know the how part. As in how are they getting in the house? They fly in through the opened back door. Duh, right? There's a little more to it than that. We have a screen door off of our breezeway that leads into the backyard. My guys are spending LOTS of time in the backyard these days. Ben's arms and legs are still kind of small so he works REALLY hard to get that door opened. I've taken pity on him and left the door open even though the resulting swarm of flies in the house is something out of a low budget horror movie.

What I'm really wondering is where are all these flies coming from?! I've even talked with my neighbors about it and they are also seeing more flies than usual. I have a theory that someone in the neighborhood, though not my immediate neighbors, has a new dog or two this summer and they aren't keeping the yard clean, if you know what I mean.

Yesterday I discovered a new means of eradicating flies. Torch 'em. This method came to light quite by accident. As I sat at my desk I smelled the terrible odor of something burning. After checking the computer and electrical outlets I tipped the halogen lamp down to look inside. There I found no fewer than SIX flies had given themselves as a burnt offering for my lighting needs.

I appreciate the sacrifice but my nose really wishes they had chosen a different method. Perhaps a spider's web. We've got plenty of those to choose from around here. See, I knew there was a good reason not to clean house! I'll just let the spiders take care of my fly problem. But who will take care of the spiders?

That reminds me of another story about an Old Woman who swallowed a fly...