Friday, March 5, 2010

Mother - Daughter Duet by Cheri Fuller

Mother - Daughter Duet by Cheri Fuller and Ali Plum.  Multnomah, 2010.

Mother- Daughter Duet:  Getting to the Relationship You Want with Your Adult Daughter is written by mom Cheri and daughter Ali.  This mother-daughter team share the ups and downs of their relationship and freely admit their relationship takes effort to be healthy and close.

I do not have an adult daughter so clearly I am not the target audience for this book.  However, I am an adult daughter and I will one day have an adult daughter (and possibly 3 daughters-in-law!) so I thought I might learn something from Cheri and Ali for the future.

After reading the book, and thinking it over for a few days, I have mixed feelings.  I can see how Mother - Daughter Duet could be very helpful if you have a strained relationship with your daughter.  Cheri and Ali do a great job of revealing areas a mom can work on the relationship from her end; while also reminding the reader not to expect miracles overnight.

One of the things I'm hung up on is that a lot of the descriptions and quotes from daughters struck me as, well... kind of bratty.  "Not being stuck as a stay-at-home mom with a bunch of kids to care for like their moms" (my words not theirs) seemed to be a common theme.  Frankly, that offends me a little (for obvious reasons). 

It seems to be that the overall principle of the book is that Moms should never offer unsolicited advice, opinions or be judgmental when a daughter's choices are contrary to the mom's beliefs.  On one hand I agree with that idea but somehow it doesn't sit right with me.  What kind of relationship is it if one half is never allowed to express her honest opinion to the other half?

I think moms of adult daughters can learn from Mother - Daughter Duet but should also keep in mind that their mother - daughter relationship is unique and special and treat it as such.

This book was provided for review by the WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group. I received Dancing with My Father by Sally Clarkson in the same package .  Unfortunately, I have not finished reading Clarkson's book yet but will write a review as soon as I do.


Kat said...

That looks like it could be an interesting book. I have always had a good relationship with my mom, and as an adult, we have found a very good friend / mom balance.
I agree though, what kind of relationship doesn't allow both parties to express their points of view or share advice. I love when my mom gives me advice or shares her stories. Even if I haven't asked for her to share, she often gives me a perspective I didn't think of and soemthing to think about.

ajourneyinmommying said...

It's really funny that a little over a year ago our pastor preached this message about family and shared some stats about how many young couples are choosing to forego children etc. (the comment about what the young ladies in this book said about being at home with children reminded me of this) He shared about these trends and then shared from Scripture about God's design/plan for families and how it doesn't match the culture's. It was really funny that we had a HUGE baby boom in the months following. :) We had about TEN to FIFTEEN families participate in the next Baby/Parent Dedication. :0)

Flamingo Mama said...

the funny thing is that you actually just made me want to check out this book because i want to see the bratty daughter:) lol

Stephanie's Mommy Brain said...

Flamingo Mama, just to be clear - it's not the daughter/co-author that's bratty. They include lots of quotes from interviews with moms and adult daughters and THOSE are the ones that sound a little bratty to me. :)

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